I’m not as bad a person as I originally thought. After brainstorming with a friend, we remembered when K told a group of 4 people (including myself) about her STI. Therefore the guilt is no longer eating me up. Yes, I did tell a friend, but she told that same friend in the group of 4. It doesn’t make what I did right, but it does make it irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
But I cannot tell K this, she wouldn’t believe me or would choose to not remember. She has been subtweeting about me a lot on twitter. I muted her so I wouldn’t have to read the mean words. She’s a toxic person and I’m glad she’s out of my life, but that doesn’t mean her words don’t hurt. For the most part they weren’t that bad and I honestly didn’t care, until I came across one that said “You’re dead to me.” Growing up, I was told that you never say you wish someone was dead, that they’re dead to you, or that you hate them, because thoughts are just as harmful as actions.
We had a sorority ritual last night and she completely ignored me. She brought stuff of mine that she had and left it on the table in the sorority house for me to find. She even skipped our sorority meeting last night because she would have to stand beside me. I’m honestly so tired of dealing with it. It’s a huge emotional toll on me. I really don’t think anyone realizes that either. They just think I’m done with her and that’s the end of it, but it’s not. We were friends for 2 years and while I knew the relationship was toxic, we also had fun times. I never want to be as close as we once were, I just want things to be civil and not be awkward or hostile.